Last Rites of Passage

One of the strangest effects of Mom's dementia is aphasia.  She has a huge vocabulary and has always been well-spoken.  Now she's having a lot of trouble expressing herself. Aphasia is all over the news lately.  Action star Bruce Willis has dementia-related aphasia, retiring from acting last year because he couldn't really do the words anymore.  A decade or more ago, the "hip" disease was Parkinson's, thanks to Michael J. Fox who was diagnosed as a relatively young man.  Aphasia is getting the same sort of attention now, but a lot of people have no idea what it actually is: Aphasia is caused by damage to the language-dominant side of the brain, usually the left side, and may be brought on by: Stroke Head injury Brain tumor Infection Dementia It is currently unknown if aphasia causes the complete loss of language structure, or if it causes difficulties in how language is accessed and used. Brain Damage.  That is the cause.  It's scary to think about...

I went to visit Mom a little early today, since I was going to try to cut her hair.  Alas, it was not to be.  When I arrived, she was in her wheelchair and when she saw I was there, she started crying. I asked what was wrong.  "My bottom hurts."  She'd been complaining about this for a few days and I ordered her a new cushion which arrives tomorrow.  The cushions she's been using are from home, are old, and probably compressed enough that there's not much cushioning happening.  She asked me to put some Vasoline on her.  She stood up, but getting to her was tough and she doesn't stand well for any length of time.  I suggested she get in the bed and roll over to her side as I slipped on some nitrile gloves and grabbed the pot of petroleum jelly.   I examined her before applying.  She looked a little bruised down there and there was a rough bump in the middle of the bruised place.  Same on the other side.  I had  my suspicion...

I have spent the last two months running.  Not in the physical fitness kind of way, but being so busy that I feel like I never sit down.  My feet hurt from walking all the concrete hallways of hospitals and rehabs multiple times a day.  My back aches from leaning over beds, helping people up, helping people down, and changing adult diapers multiple times in a day.  It's getting better, but I still end each day so tired that the first half of my night is spent in my chair because I passed out when I sat down. Keeping up with work has been interesting while keeping up with the demands of parents-turned-toddlers.  It's either VERY early in the morning or late at night.  I can get in a full day here and there.  A couple of weeks I've actually made all my hours without having to take some time off to do parent stuff.  Thank goodness for a couple of holidays popping in there when I didn't have to use leave. My house is an absolute wreck.  Paperwork...

Once upon a time, back in 2013, my family and I journeyed to Franklin County to check out a little Dachshund/Chihuahua mix.  The worker brought Lois out and she was so scared.  She peed all over the place.  The cages were stainless steel cubbies and it was so loud - she was a nervous wreck.  Surrendered by her former owner when he had to go into a nursing home - she was about 2 years old.  I asked if I could pick her up and the worker said sure, but I might get peed on.  I picked her up and held her close and firmly so she would know I wouldn't drop her and after a minute, she sighed and relaxed.  We took her home. She loved her big dogs, her boy, and her cats.  Ava had a special affection for Lois, sometimes much to Lois' dismay.  And Lois loved me .  Even though she was a family dog, she was really my dog.  She sat with me watching TV, she slept with me, curled up by  my side.  She made me get out and walk.  Everyon...

  Dad's appeal to stay in rehab was rejected, so he was sent home - probably a few days earlier than he should have been.  While everything went swimmingly at the rehab, it hasn't been quite so easy once he got home.   Dad's a big man.  He lost nearly 50 pounds while in rehab, but he's still a big guy.  He's also tall.  And he has bad knees.  The standing process requires that he push up on one knee to standing, shifting the center of gravity and kicking the straight leg back under him so he can stand.  This means that whatever he's standing up from needs to be at least as high as his bent knee.  Not much of that in our house. The wheelchair needed extra pads to get him close.  We've got STACKS of cushions in his recliner.  And a hospital bed was brought in because his bed is only 23" high.   I spent the night his first night home and it was an exercise in frustration for him.  Added to the inherent difficulties of a first...

And it was going so well... All the arrangements were made.  Movers lined up, all settled except the check and the lease for moving in...  and then a hitch in our plans. Mom has been being treated for a diabetic ulcer on her big toe since before the first of the year.   Her podiatrist seemed to actually make it worse, so we got referred to the wound care clinic at the hospital.  Between them and home health care coming three times a week to change the bandage, things were finally improving!  When she wound up in rehab, they treated the wound every day.  I saw it during her assessment by the Home, and it looked SO much better!  The hole was really tiny now and we thought "Hurray!  Things are really looking up!"   Not so fast, apparently.  All of her medical  notes had been sent to the Home, and in there was this word "debride" which sent up all kinds of red flags.  According to state regulation, if her wound is more th...

My mom is something known as a sundowner.  In the mornings she's energetic and chatty.  Her eyes are bright and she's quick to smile. Along about lunchtime, however, she begins a slow fade.  Sometimes it starts later than other times, but by 5pm, she's not the same person.  Her eyes are dull.  Her mouth is frowning (just relaxed, not actively frowning), and sometimes we sit there and say nothing because she can't hold up her end of the conversation.  If I try to converse, she gets frustrated because she can't do it back.  So we sit quietly.  I make sure she eats something for dinner.  Sometimes I wipe her face off.  I change her diaper, put on her pjs and make sure she's comfy in the bed.  The TV is on with the volume low and I turn off all the other lights.  I kiss her forehead and tell her I love her and go home. She's not as bad as some.  Some sundowners get agitated or violent.  Some go walk-about (why most facili...

  She did it!  Even I was amazed at the ease with which she stood up out of her wheelchair.  It was a lot of effort to pivot - her feet still don't want to cooperate - but she did it and then... she took a step.  You could have knocked me over with a feather!  The lady from the home came today to re-evaluate Mom and even she was shocked at the improvement.  They just have to dot a couple more "i"s and cross some "t"s and Mom is out of the hated rehab.   There are a couple more things that have to be done, but she's in, based on today's performance.  Time to really get her room stuff together.  There's a rented hospital bed, a dresser that I bought a few years ago, a brand new recliner (with heat!), and another dresser from her closet.  She's also asked for the dressing table that used to be in the twin bed guest room - but I have no idea where it is.  She says it's in the garage, but I doubt that.  Probably in the storage ...

  Mom gets re-evaluated on Thursday for moving to her memory care home.  She's much stronger now - yesterday she stood up on her own and transferred to the bed from her wheelchair. I stood by just in case, but she did it all on her own! That ability to help shift herself from bed to wheelchair, wheelchair to toilet and so on is one of the criteria for being in this home.     That's the good news - the not so great news is that she's shifted her paranoia to the staff at the rehab (from Dad).  She was complaining about Nick (her therapist) "sabotaging" her by setting her machine at a higher level than she can do. He's just seeing what she CAN do and making adjustments from there. Proof of his method is her ability to transfer now and move herself up in the bed. But no, he's "sabotaging" her and I can't convince her otherwise.     She has also been refusing to take some of the medications when brought to her, arguing that the dosag...

  I love my little neighborhood.  And my immediate neighbors.  A few days ago, I noticed that the one directly across the street had a u-haul moving van and some extra cars in front of it.  One of them was parked in the street (which is narrow).  I walked over there and encountered a woman smoking on the front porch.  I asked if J was home and she went in to get her.  I told J that I was sorry to see her leave - she'd been a nice neighbor to have - and that whoever is parked on the street was welcome to use the other half of my parking pad.  Tears welled up in her eyes as she told me that she didn't want to leave, but had been told she had to be out by 4pm that day.  The landlord, for whatever reason, decided not to renew her lease, but didn't tell her until the day it was up. MY house couldn't be packed up that quickly, and she'd been in that house just a slightly shorter time than I'd been in mine. After a thinking for a moment, I changed ...