This Is Not Going Well

I went to visit Mom a little early today, since I was going to try to cut her hair.  Alas, it was not to be.  When I arrived, she was in her wheelchair and when she saw I was there, she started crying.

I asked what was wrong.  "My bottom hurts."  She'd been complaining about this for a few days and I ordered her a new cushion which arrives tomorrow.  The cushions she's been using are from home, are old, and probably compressed enough that there's not much cushioning happening.  She asked me to put some Vasoline on her.

 She stood up, but getting to her was tough and she doesn't stand well for any length of time.  I suggested she get in the bed and roll over to her side as I slipped on some nitrile gloves and grabbed the pot of petroleum jelly.  

I examined her before applying.  She looked a little bruised down there and there was a rough bump in the middle of the bruised place.  Same on the other side.  I had  my suspicions now of what we were dealing with, so used the call button to summon a nurse to confirm.  She came in, had a look and said there was an opening (must be tiny, I didn't see it).  Putting Vasoline on was good - it's a barrier that keeps germs out.  The other nurse, one of my mom's favorites was down the hall working on medication distribution.  I went to see her to ask about a painkiller.  Mom gets a Tylenol 3 every evening that helps with the pain from her physical therapy and she would get one tonight.  She brought Mom's drugs immediately.  My very suspicious mother took them without question and laid back down, still crying.  The nurse put a cushioned bandage on the worse sore and told me she'd check on her in a bit.

Mom was on her side since lying flat hurt so much.  I put a pillow behind her so she could relax a little.  And I put her oxygen on her.  Then I sat beside her, laid my hands on her and started praying.  I asked that He take away her pain in whatever way he saw fit to do so.  To let the drugs kick in a little faster than usual.  To let her rest comfortably tonight.  To take away her pain.  After about 15 minutes of this (and some leg cramps on her part that I massaged until they passed), she finally relaxed.  She stopped crying and fell asleep. 

I wished, not for the first time in my life, that we could help people the way we help our pets when life becomes too painful and difficult.  Having just put my beautiful little dog to sleep two days previous, my heart was still reeling from having to make that decision, but knowing that it was the most loving and kind thing I could do for her at that point.  Mom hasn't been comfortable in her body for a while, and many times it's not just discomfort but actual pain.  Now her mind is also distancing itself and I wonder... would that be something she'd want if it were available?

Right now, eight states offer medically assisted death for those with terminal illnesses and terrible pain that can't be alleviated:  California, Colorado, Maine, New Jersey, New Mexico, Vermont, Washington State and Washington, DC (yeah, I know it's not a state).  Vermont is trying to pass legislation to allow "tourist" services - meaning you don't have to be a resident to avail yourself of that service.  When I retire, I want to live in a state that has a provision for this.

Mom claimed to have drunk a gallon of water today, but her muscle cramps make me think otherwise.  When I left yesterday, she had two gallons of water.  Today, only half a gallon was gone - and about half of that was still in her big tumblers on the table.  So really, she's had about an eighth of a gallon.  Not enough.  She's already sleeping, so I went and found the night nurse and told her that Mom was dehydrated.  Please check on her a bit more often tonight and get her to drink some water if you can.  She said she would.

This place where Mom is.... it's old.  It feels institutional.  The food really isn't very good.  BUT, the therapy and the nursing here is first rate.  There's a line of nurses wanting to work here.  And really, that's what you want.  People don't ask to go there.  It's not cushy, but they get the job done.  They've done an amazing job with Mom.  She's strong and able to do a lot for herself now - but she's not very cooperative in taking her medications or eating properly, bathing (no soap!), or - and this is a big one - asking for help when she needs it.  She says she doesn't want to be a nuisance.  I've explained to her many times that this is what we are PAYING FOR.  It is their JOB to take care of you - but they can't do that if you won't communicate your needs to them.  She just shakes her head and says she doesn't want to be a nuisance.

 So there it is.  Other than doing the physical therapy, she's not helping herself get better.  I'm not sure what I or anyone else can do about that.  All I can think at this point is that if she doesn't want to get better, I hope she finds her way out of this life soon.  There is too much pain and suffering happening (self-inflicted) for my wonderful Mom to bear for too long.  I'm trying so hard to do right by her.  I pray that God is too.