Better than Expected

The deed is done.  Mom's toe is amputated and ONLY the toe.  The doctor was able to restore enough blood flow that the foot and leg got to stay on.  She's been in remarkably good spirits, though she says her missing toe hurts, her heel hurts, her thigh hurts.  I told her that I imagine that was from having to hold her leg still while taking the toe - it's not like Legos... it doesn't just pop off.  A few days later, she doesn't mention those things at all, but her back hurts her a lot.  

She's had scoliosis and spondylitis her whole life, but the pain of it seems to have kicked into high gear in the last couple of weeks.  Matt brought her a back brace, which she has been wearing religiously.  It helps, but she still has pain.

The taking of the toe seems to have had a lot of ramifications on the rest of her.  Was it the infection or the pain that made her eating habits so bizarre?  She declared herself allergic to everything back in May and has pretty much been subsisting on hard-boiled eggs, applesauce, and distilled water.  She would not eat anything else.  After the toe came off, she was ravenous - and ate everything!  Chicken noodle soup (wouldn't eat pasta before).  Chicken with rice (wouldn't eat rice), broccoli and cauliflower.  Decaf coffee (hasn't wanted it since before the initial hospitalization).  She has also had broccoli-cheddar soup and turkey and rice soup with crackers and declared both just wonderful.  This is a real sea-change for her.  One I hope continues because good nutrition is going to be key in her healing.  I can't tell you how thrilled I am that she is eating again!!!

It hasn't improved everything though.  For the last month, Mom has been remarkably clear.  It started when I told the brothers to come see her if they wanted to see her alive - she hadn't been eating and things were going downhill so fast that I'd called hospice.  I guess all the stimulation from seeing the boys perked her brain up.  Dad was finally able to visit too - so she's had lots of company.  When I would visit, she could remember things at the farm and where she'd put things in the "new" house.  She told stories from her childhood, and remembered all the hobbies she'd picked up all during our growing up years.  I'd been bringing photo albums with me on doctor visits because of all the waiting, which I think helped too.  But the day after her surgery, she sundowned hard.  It was like a switch had been thrown.  Her eyes went blank and she stopped talking.  At first I thought maybe she was just tired - a lot had been happening, but it happened again the next day.  The vagueness seems to be creeping back in.  She worries that she's been abandoned if I'm not there. 

She's at rehab again - the one right at the end of my street.  I can keep a close eye on her.  This may be a resumption of the slow fade to black, and if it is, that's okay.  I am very grateful for that month of clarity, laughter, and stories.  I'm grateful that all of my brothers were able to come and see her.  That John and Mary are here now to help with the visiting and giving me a little break in having to deal with all of this on my own.  There is much to be thankful for these days.