Reunited

62 years.  That's how long these two have been married.

Two months.  That's how long it's been since they've seen each other.

When Mom got sick and went to the hospital, then to rehab, she didn't want to see Dad.  Or talk to him.  She would get angry any time I brought him up.  So I stopped.  She would say terrible things about him -  that she was afraid of him, that he was trying to poison her, that he was mean to her.  None of this was true but the paranoia that kicked in hard about that time made her think those things.  Dad is just big and loud and trying to take care of her, which was an extremely frustrating task at times.  Add to that the fact that my mom is deaf as a post and he had to raise his voice just to be heard by her - I can see where someone like her would think that.  It made Dad very sad when I told him what she'd said.  When she left for the hospital, he worried for her, but didn't want to make her feel afraid or uncomfortable, so he just backed off and communicated with her through me.

Small gifts of chocolate or cookies gave way to pretty, soft tops when Mom decided she couldn't eat those sweets anymore.  He continued to ply her with gifts of clothing until she had a rather lovely wardrobe - but he didn't try to call.

After she left, Dad slept.  Long hours.  Deep sleep.  After a few days of this, he started feeling human again and began to realize the toll taking care of her had taken on him.  He started enjoying himself, relieved of that burden but knowing she was being well cared for in rehab.  The unfortunate fall, breaking his leg, meant that for six weeks he definitely couldn't go see her.  He couldn't go anywhere.  He wore an immobilizer that kept his leg straight and had Visiting Angels coming morning and night to help him out of bed, to take care of washing and dressing and eating.  Mid-day meals were taken care of by me and Matt along with the little details of filling water jugs and emptying urinals so that he'd be okay until the evening Angel arrived.  Finally, the day arrived when the immobilizer was removed!  The knees were still weak, but he diligently did his PT with one goal in mind - to see Mom again.

She's been having a pretty good week, so I was feeling hopeful when Dad announced that he'd be going to visit Mom on Wednesday.  I met him there to show him the ropes of getting in and finding her.  As I got Dad settled in a chair, one of the aides went and got Mom.

They lit up the room when they saw each other.  "Sweetheart!" Mom exclaimed.  "Oh, Jude..." from Dad.  It was better than I'd hoped.  Dad was determined to see her, but I really didn't know how she would react.  She'd softened toward Dad with all the little gifts.  Last week, I hung a picture of him in her room from about mid-30s in age.  She smiled when I hung it and I thought that boded well.  Apparently it did.

Dementia is a terrible master of the mind, but it can't break the habit of 62 years of love and affection between two people.
 

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